The Lie of “Just Get Over It”

The phrase “just get over it” is one of the most common, yet most damaging, responses to emotional pain. It sounds simple, almost practical, but beneath its surface lies a profound misunderstanding of how human beings experience suffering and healing. Emotional pain is not a switch we can flip off, nor is it a burden that can be dropped at will. It is a process, a journey, and often a teacher. To demand that someone “just get over it” is to deny the complexity of their inner world and the dignity of their struggle.

Emotional wounds are not like physical cuts that heal predictably with time and treatment. They live in memory, in the body, and in the subtle ways we see ourselves and others. Grief, betrayal, trauma, heartbreak- these experiences reshape us. They do not vanish because someone insists they should. Psychology shows that healing is nonlinear: some days feel lighter, others unexpectedly heavy. To pressure someone to “move on” is to ignore this rhythm and impose a false timeline that rarely matches reality.

The lie of “just get over it” also silences people. It tells them their pain is inconvenient, that their feelings are excessive, that their humanity is too much. Instead of offering support, it demands suppression. But suppressed pain does not disappear; it festers. It shows up in anxiety, in mistrust, in the inability to connect deeply. Healing requires space, patience, and compassion- not dismissal.

There is also a cultural dimension to this lie. Many societies prize resilience and toughness, equating vulnerability with weakness. Yet true resilience is not about pretending pain doesn’t exist. It is about facing it honestly, carrying it with courage, and allowing it to soften us rather than harden us. To “get over it” prematurely is not resilience- it is denial. And denial robs us of growth.

Healing has its own timeline, and that timeline is deeply personal. For one person, recovery from loss may take months; for another, years. Neither is wrong. What matters is not speed but authenticity. To honor your pain is to honor your humanity. To allow yourself to feel is to allow yourself to heal. Compassion means recognizing that emotional pain is not a problem to be solved quickly, but a reality to be lived through with care.

The truth is that we never fully “get over” some things-we learn to live with them differently. The memory of a loved one lost, the scar of betrayal, the echo of trauma- these do not vanish. They become part of us, woven into our story. Healing is not erasure; it is integration. It is the slow work of carrying pain in a way that no longer breaks us, but shapes us.

So the next time someone says “just get over it,” remember that emotional pain has its own timeline, and that timeline is valid. It is okay to take the time you need. It is okay to grieve longer than others expect. It is okay to feel deeply. Healing is not about rushing- it is about respecting the pace of your heart. And in that respect lies true compassion, true resilience, and true humanity.